I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize