The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
