i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
