i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
