you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize