There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
