I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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