So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
