I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
