You just made me feel so damn special
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
