She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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