i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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