I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
