What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
