Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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