I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
