you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
