There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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