I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize