am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
