Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
