Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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