He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
