hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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