rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
