i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
