You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You need a sexual gate keeper
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
