How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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