I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
