I cannot find my penis.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will pee on everything he values.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
