Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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