nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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