im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
