i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
