Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
