Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
