whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
