Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
