Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
420 ftw
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize