a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
