Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
