Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
