just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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