Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
