Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
