Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
