The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
