we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
