You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize