We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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