i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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