i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
