Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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