Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
