that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
