omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
