I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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