i think my mom watched the whole time
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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