I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
