In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
