i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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