Dual....:-)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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