she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
