need another drink. this is the easiest way
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
