hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
