Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
