What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
