That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
