she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
