In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I could make wine with my vomit
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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