am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize