The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
