I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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