I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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