All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
