JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
