i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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