I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
