Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had sex on a roof
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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