hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
