That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
