Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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