I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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