Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's blow job season.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
