i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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