And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
