the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
