Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
