OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
