just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
