i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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