There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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