your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want nice things and good sex
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
