Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
